Thursday, May 24, 2012

Vegas baby!

I'm leaving tomorrow for Vegas, I'll be gone eight days and I am so excited. I'm meeting my mom, brother, sister-in-law and some of their friends. I need to get away, I've been dealing with so much stress lately - work, my daughter, my boyfriend, I've been getting hit from all angles.
Now I know the chance of winning in Vegas is very unlikely so my hope is to not spend all of my gambling budget. If I could just win enough to keep playing that would make me happy. Wish me luck!

Monday, May 14, 2012

monday monday

I just woke up from a little after-lunch nap at my desk.  I really need to stop sleeping on the job, but I just can't seem to help myself, I'm always so tired.  I slept off and on all day Saturday, slept well both Saturday and Sunday nights…I don't understand why I can't stay awake.  I know that I'm taking a lot of Seroquel and I know that I'm working long hours, but I really need to stop falling asleep all the time, I don't want to lose my job.  L


I had a great day with my daughter yesterday.  She made me a video, kind of a slideshow of pictures of us together when she was young, set to music with a little poem.  I cried.  The she took me out for a nice breakfast and bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  Then we had drinks with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends.  It was really nice to hang out with her. 


Only 11 days to go until vacation; I'm going to Vegas for 8 days.  I'll be with my mom, brother and sister-in-law; it's going to be so much fun.  I got some exciting news from my parents this weekend; it looks like they will be moving to Las Vegas.  They have been thinking about it for a while but have recently engaged a real estate agent and we will be looking at houses when we are down there.  This changes my future plans for when my immigration application is finally processed.  Originally I thought that if they were still in Washington State I would try to get on in our Seattle office.  I was considering asking to keep my position here but work out of the office down there.  But if my family won't be there, there's no reason for me to stay in the Pacific Northwest.  So it looks like I'll probably follow them to Vegas.  Ideally I will be able to keep my present job and work full-time from home.  We have a lot of workers working out of their homes so it's not unheard of, I just don't know if they will feel that my job is suited to a home office.  I did take a look on Monster today and I saw 3 or 4 jobs posted there that I would apply for, so I'm not too worried about finding work, I just am very comfortable with my job and my company so I would prefer not to leave.  Likely I will move my stuff into storage and stay with my parents for a bit while I get settled in and look for my own place.   Part of me is in no hurry to leave, I still don't know if there's any way I could possibly bring my daughter with me and I'll have to leave my boyfriend, but there is part of me that is anxious for the adventure, for the chance to move on and try something new.  I can't remember exactly how long this process was supposed to take but I think I've got probably three years left, so these are very long-term plans.  Something to look forward to anyway.


So, I suppose it would be a good idea to get back to work.  Just one more hour to go and I can go home, yay!




Sunday, May 13, 2012


So, there's a problem at one of the local shopping centers - someone is hiding used needles in clothing.  To date seven shoppers have been pricked by the needles.  Of course now they are waiting on results for HIV tests.  Imagine testing positive...having your life messed up like that just because you went to try on a pair of pants. 

Meanwhile the striking students are still wreaking havoc on the city.  Protests, destroying local businesses, police cars, throwing smoke bombs in the subway tunnels, bricks on the tracks...
A little background here, the government has decided to raise the school fees.  We have the cheapest education in all of North America.  The proposed increase would cost about $300 per year, less than a dollar a day.  The minister of education has tried to negotiate with the students, offering them an increase of only half of what was proposed but the students refuse to negotiate.  Some are actually insisting that the fees be lowered.  In any case, the violence and vandalism are completely unacceptable.  Thursay morning rush hour they had to close the subway for 3 hours due to smoke bombs in the tunnels.  Thousands of people were stranded all morning.  To date the city has expenses of over two million dollars just trying to keep the protests under control.  Two million of our tax dollars dealing with this crap. 

Some days I think I'm crazy.  Other days I look at the world around me and I wonder if maybe I'm not so crazy after all.

Saturday, May 05, 2012

Things I hate

I hate it when the subway train pulls away just when I arrive at the station. It's not so bad on weekday rush hours when the trains run every 2-3 minutes but on the weekend I think they are 6-7 minutes apart. Which isn't so long really but it seems long when you're waiting.
I hate grocery shopping; especially on a Saturday. The store will be super busy and I hate paying for food. I love to shop for things like clothes where I get to come home with pretty things but shopping for food is depressing.

Friday, May 04, 2012


It's raining. It's been raining a lot here lately. Yesterday we had fog in the morning, reminded me of a fall day in Vancouver. I really miss the West Coast, I wish I could go back. I suppose I could go back if I really wanted to make the move; I'd have to find a new job, leave my boyfriend, somehow look for an apartment, come up with the money to get myself, my daughter, my car, my stuff...out there. I'm not prepared to do that. Much easier to stay here and wish I was there. I will need to move one day - my dad sponsored me for immigration to the US - the petition is approved and I'm just waiting for my number to come up (which is still a couple years away). I am hoping that I'll be able to keep my job and work remotely from wherever I end up, or in our Portland office, will have to see when it's time.

Off to work now...glad it's friday :).

Saturday, April 28, 2012


I'm derailing, it's been building up all week but now I'm losing it.  Work has been too stressful, Friday I was almost in tears, you know when your eyes well up with water and you dab them quickly to stop the tears from falling.
Today I was short-tempered, feeling mad at anyone and everyone.  I had a panic attack in the grocery store, I couldn't find my boyfriend and there were just too many people around and I felt like the world was closing in on me...I was freaking out inside and trying not to let it show.
Returned home and ended up completely breaking down.  I bawled like a baby, big snotty cries, it felt so good to let the tension out but now I'm spent.  I feel like an empty shell, like there's no will inside of me.  I'm sitting here looking around at my dirty apartment and I feel apathetic, like I simply don't care.  No energy to clean up, no energy to do anything at all, just a big old lump of bitterness and sadness.

I don't even know if this makes any sense, my head hurts and I'm feeling confused.  This sucks :(

Friday, April 27, 2012


Good morning internet. I'm a zombie this morning; I stumbled through my morning routine, I think I almost fell asleep on the treadmill. Honestly I'm finding working full-time very challenging; I'm too burnt out at the end of the week and I know my work suffers because of that. Thing is it probably won't get any easier - the amount of tranquilizing medication I take would knock anyone out. So, I'm wondering what I could do to boost my energy levels? Exercising in the morning helps a little but not enough. Anyone have any ideas? I'd love to hear them.